This is bad.
It is Friday afternoon and I still haven’t decided whether I’m really doing that indoor tri tomorrow.
I still might. You never know.
Out of all races, this silly indoor tri is probably the one I am most ok with stamping as a DNS, but still, I feel a real sense of quittership going on, and I don’t like it.
As many good excuses as I try to make for why, it kind of just boils down to that I don’t want to. I hate that excuse when it comes to throwing in the towel for anything. Like when people say they are going to run a 5-K, get frustrated, don’t run it, and then never run again. Or people who enter one of those weight loss competitions, don’t want to put in the work, and then stop showing up because they don’t want to (my husband led a group like this for a couple of years, and I have judged many a person for quitting before it’s over).
I’m tired. Physically. I haven’t been sleeping well. And this whole week I’ve been randomly having a case of what I imagine Holly Golightly was referring to when she talked about having the “mean reds” in Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Except I don’t have a local Tiffany’s to help me feel better. (I should note that I’m a very happy person and not entirely concerned!). Surprisingly, I’ve actually had a great running week (A hard run last night helped improve my mood! Hooray!), so, maybe I need to have these off weeks more often to reach my running goals?
Yesterday, Aaron said he didn’t feel like going to the gym to swim, and, instead of saying “well, that’s nice but I DON’T WANT TO DIE IN THE POOL,” I didn’t argue because I didn’t want to either (I wanted to go buy a Christmas tree but we didn’t do that either).
And I didn’t ever find (didn’t ever really look) for a swimsuit. So, sparkle bikini it is!
I don’t want to give up. I don’t want to DNS. I don’t want to say that I’m going to work towards something and then not. And I don’t want to back out just because I’m not good at it.
Initially, I was proud of myself for going out of my comfort zone (like, waaay out), but now I just really want to sleep in tomorrow, do my 10 miler (Aaron is on injury prevention mode again), and decorate the tree that we will hopefully finally purchase tonight. And continue swim lessons because this is embarrassing. Like, if we were swimming in lanes next to each other at the pool, you would deny knowing me.
So, that’s my story. Chances are I’ll do it. But I don’t want to (imagine me jumping up and down in temper tantrum mode).
Hope you have a wonderful weekend!