When I Just Don’t Feel Like It

This is bad.

It is Friday afternoon and I still haven’t decided whether I’m really doing that indoor tri tomorrow.

I still might.  You never know.

Out of all races, this silly indoor tri is probably the one I am most ok with stamping as a DNS, but still, I feel a real sense of quittership going on, and I don’t like it.

As many good excuses as I try to make for why, it kind of just boils down to that I don’t want to.  I hate that excuse when it comes to throwing in the towel for anything.  Like when people say they are going to run a 5-K, get frustrated, don’t run it, and then never run again.  Or people who enter one of those weight loss competitions, don’t want to put in the work, and then stop showing up because they don’t want to (my husband led a group like this for a couple of years, and I have judged many a person for quitting before it’s over).

I’m tired.  Physically.  I haven’t been sleeping well.  And this whole week I’ve been randomly having a case of what I imagine Holly Golightly was referring to when she talked about having the “mean reds” in Breakfast at Tiffany’s.   Except I don’t have a local Tiffany’s to help me feel better. (I should note that I’m a very happy person and not entirely concerned!).  Surprisingly, I’ve actually had a great running week (A hard run last night helped improve my mood! Hooray!), so, maybe I need to have these off weeks more often to reach my running goals?

Yesterday, Aaron said he didn’t feel like going to the gym to swim, and, instead of saying “well, that’s nice but I DON’T WANT TO DIE IN THE POOL,” I didn’t argue because I didn’t want to either (I wanted to go buy a Christmas tree but we didn’t do that either).

And I didn’t ever find (didn’t ever really look) for a swimsuit. So, sparkle bikini it is!

I don’t want to give up.  I don’t want to DNS.  I don’t want to say that I’m going to work towards something and then not. And I don’t want to back out just because I’m not good at it.

Thanks, Pinterest, for the reminder!

Initially, I was proud of myself for going out of my comfort zone (like, waaay out), but now I just really want to sleep in tomorrow, do my 10 miler (Aaron is on injury prevention mode again), and decorate the tree that we will hopefully finally purchase tonight. And continue swim lessons because this is embarrassing.  Like, if we were swimming in lanes next to each other at the pool, you would deny knowing me.

So, that’s my story.  Chances are I’ll do it.  But I don’t want to (imagine me jumping up and down in temper tantrum mode).

Hope you have a wonderful weekend!

Good luck to the Sarah and Kara who are both running their first marathons this weekend! You can do it!

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12 thoughts on “When I Just Don’t Feel Like It

  1. First of all, love that you referenced the “mean reds”. I say that all the time. I hate that you’re experiencing them though! I think sometimes there are good reasons to say no to something. It’s not necessarily quitting. It’s knowing that you need a break. There are always bad reasons to give up on something, but sometimes there are legitimate ones. Sounds like you have some legit reasons. Don’t be too hard ourselves! At the end of the day, stuff like this should be fun!

  2. This cracked me up: “And continue swim lessons because this is embarrassing. Like, if we were swimming in lanes next to each other at the pool, you would deny knowing me.”

    Do it or don’t do it. I’m not here to judge. But I think you might feel better if you just gave it a try (and not expect too much). Or just go and start it. I feel like a DNF is better than a DNS?

  3. Good luck if you do it and if you don’t, no judgement whatsoever (I need to beef up my own swimming abilities, so I totally understand that). Either way, you have much to be proud of with your 2012 accomplishments… and with that, thanks for continuing to be an inspiration. I’ve been thinking of your marathon recap for the last week or so and will be using some of your lessons learned on Sunday!

  4. Regardless of whether you did it or not… well done on making it to the point where you can are in a position to be able to make that choice. I got into the sea for the first time in a over a year and tried to go for a surf/body board/ swim/walk in flippers on friday.. Big first step. So well done on the swimming lessons 🙂 I am still achy. Hope you had an awesome weekend whatever you chose to do 🙂

  5. Curious to hear what happened…I’m guessing you didn’t do it? The first tri is scary- I probably wouldn’t have gone if I hadn’t already paid and registered for it. 🙂 Hope you can start getting more sleep!

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