FIRST: HUGE AMENDMENT to yesterday’s Chicago Marathon Recap. I accidentally added 10 minutes to Aaron’s finish time. He actually came in at 3:27:21. If he had come in at 3:37 I would have passed him, and I was not so focused as to leave my poor distressed husband on the side of the road just so I could BQ. Goals are fun. Being a supportive wife is a top priority. But non-issue since he came in more than 6 minutes ahead. Sorry, Aaron for making people think you were so slow.
Also, the recap has a few photos added to it that came from Aaron’s phone. They really aren’t exciting (I guess my mind is somewhere else pre-race).
Sending Fast Thoughts To:
Jen who is going for a Half PR in Wine Country!
Christina is running a half in Baltimore!
Julie is earning her Tiffany’s Necklace at Nike Women’s
Laura is going for a big 10 miler PR!
Good luck to you ladies and everyone else racing!
(I realize that this post will probably make me sound like a jerk).
On Monday, we were sitting in our Bacon and Beer Bar (Paddy Long’s), and I saw a message come through from Julie letting me know that Boston registration was open.
On Sunday evening when I went to the site, registration was closed because the max field had been reached. I actually wasn’t too heartbroken.
But Boston made a mistake that they blamed on an IT issue. The max field had never been reached (well, until yesterday. It is really closed now).
But here it was, a renewed chance to run Boston in 2013. I sat in this bar deep in conversation with Aaron in tears, trying to figure out if I really wanted to register.
But Amy, the whole point of this blog for the last 4 months was for you to qualify for Boston. What the heck is going on here?
Well, I realized something about myself and my goals on Monday.
I made the goal to qualify truthfully independently from actually running the marathon. I mean, I did want to run it, kind of, but more than anything I wanted to run an awesome marathon. I wanted to reach for the stars and attempt the impossible because it isn’t something that I get to do very often if ever.
Also, at the time I didn’t think I’d get in until 2014. 2014 is a long time from now. And running Boston hasn’t been a lifelong dream. I only found out about it 2 years ago, and I only started caring about 10 months ago. But I wanted to be really good at something, and Boston qualifying times seem to be the standard of what constitutes a really good runner (self-satisfaction just never does it for me).
As part of the pre-marathon freak out, having to register for 2013 was put on my plate. But, I didn’t think registration would still be open by Sunday afternoon, AND I really didn’t think I’d come in under 3:40. It was something else to stress about like tornadoes (Chicago is in the Midwest) and the apocalypse.
I was relieved when registration was full on Sunday.
But then, on Monday evening I faced the decision. And this is when all the emotion came loose.
This is not how I wanted it to be. I am supposed to run Boston with Aaron.
Running has become a source of personal enjoyment, and I’ve realized that even on the blog I talk about Aaron less and less (he’s still here all the time by the way). But without a doubt, the whole reason I run is for our marriage. It is our thing to do together. I know some of you know this story, but after Aaron and I had been dating for a few weeks, he asked me to be his girlfriend and at the same time asked if I would run a half marathon with him because he wanted me to understand his lifestyle and his passions and interests. And now, 4 years later, running and active living is really our thing. The thought of training for and running the world’s most prestigious amateur race without him literally brought me to tears.
So, we had a serious discussion in the Bacon/Beer bar. I could use my time for 2014 still. But that is a long time from now. Who knows what could happen in our lives between now and then. I may only ever get this one chance at Boston and I’d hate to think I passed it up if something happens in those many months. Also, just because my 1 minute and 5 seconds below BQ got me in this year doesn’t mean it would get me in next year. People are out for revenge after a hot spring racing season. Plus, the chances of Boston hitting temperatures like that again are like 1 in a million. And people are getting faster. And there are so many new runners kicking butt. I would hate to run a qualifier and then NOT get in.
Plus, we had to realistically assess Aaron’s ability to come in at 3:04:49 in the next 11 months (and can we just discuss for a minute how much crazier men’s qualifying times are? I think I got off pretty easily). Possible? Yes. I think he easily had the ability to come in at a 3:10 even after missing a month of our training due to injury. And he is out to kill a marathon if it’s the last thing he does. But there is no guarantee.
And on top of all this is this horrible, nagging feeling of guilt.
I don’t deserve this.
I feel like Lindsey Lohan in Mean Girls when she’s giving her prom queen speech and breaks the tiara.
Some people spend years working very hard to reach a BQ. People run marathon after marathon in an attempt to run Boston only to be unsuccessful. Most people who want this will never get the chance. And what? I waltz in here like a cocky B and do it in one try. I’m talking people who’ve run their whole lives and people who could run faster than me any day. Real runners who give up beer for 4 months or who never miss a workout during training. NOT FAIR. Not fair to the people who have worked so much harder for so much longer just to run a marathon with a unicorn as it’s mascot (for the record, I really like unicorns).
I’m not looking for affirmation of my hard work and dedication. I know I trained well and pushed myself and made sacrifices and haven’t slept in on a weekend in months.
But I can’t help feeling like I didn’t pay my dues.
So, if you’re keeping track…I talked non stop about qualifying, made it my obsession for 4 months, QUALIFIED, got in a year ahead of schedule and I’m not happy about it??? Royal jerkdom.
I decided to register anyway, and I ‘m trying to make myself be more excited about it. The least I can do is be appreciative of this opportunity and go out and run hard for the people who may never get the chance. And I’m sure after the initial shock has worn off, I will be talking non-stop about how crazy excited I am to run Boston.
And please let me know about Boston (the city and the race if you’ve done it). I literally know NOTHING about Boston aside from what I’ve seen in Good Will Hunting and The Town.
ANYWAY. Thanks for letting me share that with you. As much fun as crying over my bacon platter was.
I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. CRUSH your long runs and races!